|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
 |
Home > Blog > 2008-01-31: Is Idol Worshipping Dangerous? January 31, 2008 Is Idol Worshipping Dangerous? American Idol is back, and with it comes the sinking feeling that all across America, parents no longer have truthful dialogue with their children. I watch the show every season and I get a big kick out of it- I even vote sometimes. But in the early days when the show’s producers think we should all be laughing at the terrible auditions, I find myself more than a little disheartened when I see so many young people who truly look to be out of touch with reality. I know lots of people are auditioning just for the experience, but more often than not, the worse they are the more they really believe they can sing. Why hasn’t anyone told them the truth? I know we’re supposed to teach our children that they can achieve their dreams, whatever they may be, but I have to believe that many of the thousands of people trying out for the show are clinging to unrealistic dreams that may hinder their development in life. As we watch and talk back to the screen we’ve all said things like, “that kid is delusional,” or “she’s crazy if she thinks she can sing.” Then we’ve seen those very same contestants look shocked when Simon drops a reality-checking verbal bomb. I wanted to know: Why are there so many out of touch kids? Are the parents to blame? Is the American Idol dream dangerous? So for answers I turned to Dr. Jason Bynum, Clinical Lecturer, Inpatient and Consult/Liaison Director at the Dept. of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, University of Michigan Department of Psychiatry. I have to believe that if my daughter were as atrocious as some of these “singers” are it would be incumbent upon me to tell her the truth at some point. Not crush her dream, but guide her to a better-suited one perhaps. Do parents and kids have that kind of relationship these days? Dr. Bynum tells me “I definitely see more kids who have little to no guidance in terms of parenting structures. Many of the children who come to the hospital have a major component of 'parent-child interactional difficulties.' Raising children takes time, patience, and consistency that many parents are ill-equipped to address due to changing family structures, financial stresses, and lack of extended family to help share the role.” So when something like American Idol rolls into town with its promises of overnight stardom, perhaps both kids and parents in these stressed relationships see a golden opportunity. Dr. Bynum adds, “Instant gratification seems to dominate, whereas delayed gratification and individual responsibility have suffered.” I guess that explains why we’re treated to the expletive-spewing moms and dads who are fantasizing right alongside. Either there’s no conversation happening at home, or if there is, it’s between equally foundering parents and kids. And what about those 28 year-old “kids” who are auditioning? I asked Dr. Bynum if there was any danger in being way out of touch with reality at this age. Can you be wrecked for life if you’re still holding on to the delusion that you’re going to be the next Idol? “If we're using delusional in the vernacular sense of a person who 'just doesn't get it' by age 28, I believe there are struggles this person may have,” he says. “By 28, from a developmental perspective, this person would be expected to have moved on from a 'self identity' and exploration phase, to dealing with more long-term goals such as finding a life-partner or developing a career.” Dr. Bynum continues, “We all have anecdotal examples of someone who become quite successful later in life after periods of failure. These are often quite famous and familiar faces. The difference between these people, and the people in these reality shows, often is in the motivation and the level of planning. A person who, by all accounts, is a terrible singer and has quit their job, moved to Los Angeles, is stone-broke, and risked everything for the American Idol audition has some real questions to ask of themselves. The person who, objectively, has talent, has moved to LA while continuing their education and holding a part-time job has a different understanding of the risks involved and has added layers of protection both emotionally and financially.” Sadly, so many contestants do seem to fall in the first category. Again, I know that the show is edited to highlight the “freaks” who dress funny, look bizarre and sound terrible in the first few shows of the season. Unfortunately I don’t think some of these people know they’re “freaks,” and their development as young adults looks to have been compromised by their adherence to the dream. Let’s face it- we all know that those thousands of hopefuls can’t all be late bloomers. They don’t call it “tough love” for nothing. In no way am I suggesting that it would be easy to tell my daughter why she shouldn’t audition if she were awful. But a history of open dialogue could help cushion the blow. “If you have built a long-term relationship with your children or loved ones that is based on trust, support, patience, and reality, then these statements are going to be heard much more readily,” according to Dr. Bynum. “To continue the example, a loving, committed life-partner will most likely take this news relatively easier as the relationship is based on dedication. They will be less likely to have the knee-jerk reaction of anger, defensiveness, or retaliation. If, however, an attempt is made to influence someone in whom this level of trust does not exist, the reception will be significantly more challenging. So, I would say if you want to be able to tell your son or daughter they 'stink' at singing, you need to start laying that foundation of trust and dedication down when they're 5!” That gives you 11 years, people! The minimum age to audition is 16, and since Idol will probably be on forever, you might want to get to work…. I’ve got more than 11 years to go- Aurora is only 17 months old now, but I know it won’t be long before she starts telling me what she wants to be when she grows up. For all of you moms already trying to nurture a dream while keeping your child grounded, Dr. Bynum suggests “the best parenting strategy is to be supportive within reason, and allow children the experience to express themselves. 'Life' will often give them the reality checks they need. When things don't go as hoped, support from the family is helpful to pick up the pieces and move onto the next challenge, which may or may not be more successful. There is definitely a balance, however, in familial loving support, and unrealistic support of an unrealistic goal.” So let your little one idolize Kelly Clarkson for a while if she wants to. But just be warned that, at some point, you may have to stop being Paula and start being Simon. This entry can also be found on Mom•Logic:
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
